For quite awhile now, I have been crazy busy: work, school, wedding, website, baby…the list goes on. This month for the first time in… I don’t know how long, I am looking at either being unemployed or under employed. At first I was freaked out. What about MONEY? How would we survive on my Husbands modest income? What about “the game?” My profession is in Internet- where everything seems to move at a hyper fast speed- What if I was forgotten or passed by? What if it was impossible to get back where I left off? These were all serious concerns of mine.

Lately, I’ve taken a step back. Did I want to rush back to work 6 short weeks after the most amazing experience of my life? NO WAY. For the 3 months I have before Bean arrives, I would still be in school, I could finally have a day off to study, go to the park, sit in the sun, prepare for the baby, get to my “to do” list, and do I dare say it; “Do Nothing!”

I started to look at things in a new light, what is it in American culture that drives us to WORK-WORK-WORK-WORK? What are we so afraid of? I think if you asked around the answers would be 1. Money and 2.Health Insurance. I am lucky to have coverage for both me and the baby until June and My husband is transitioning in to a job that will cover us all. But what about money, how would we get by in a city like Los Angeles with so much less of it? Would our lives be seriously impacted in a negative way? The more I sat with this, the more ridiculous I felt about the pressure society puts on us to GO-GO-GO-GO! The guilt I felt over the possibility of not working took a back seat to wondering why the heck I felt so panic stricken when faced with the future.

I’m looking at the months to come in a new light. Things will be tough and sacrifices will need to be made, but ultimately I will get to get ready to be with my daughter- thru every poop, every burp, every cry and every smile. I will save on daycare costs and if I am lucky, I will finally get to some of the things I’ve been meaning to do! I have some time before Bean arrives so I’ve made a list of things I can do to keep me busy. I can:

Finally unpack
Decorate baby’s room
Exercise
Work on MeaMommy
Work on EchoParkOnline.com
Go thru 1000’s of old emails
Graduate with a Masters Degree!
Go thru and develop Wedding photos
Edit Wedding video
Volunteer w/ kids
Learn web design
Read a book!

and MOST importantly:

Raise our Daughter.

The timing could be better, I wish I had more time off after the baby comes but I can’t possibly know what lies ahead and making myself sick worrying about it helps nothing. I just have to stay busy and keep confident that things will work themselves out. How can they NOT with Bean on the way??????

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